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If I'm writing this, doesn't that make it an AUTO-biography? Would somebody please write this for me? And make it good.
Until I hire a publicist I guess I'll just do it myself.Since I was young, wicked young, I've been an artist. At (like) three years old I used to draw all the time. (Maybe it was four...anyway...) At around that time I created my first masterpiece. It was a life-size (about 3' tall. Hey, I was 3' tall, to me it was huge.) "Adam and Eve" kind of thing. It was on blue-lined notebook paper in ballpoint pen. I cut each piece out and connected them with little brass binder thingies. Each joint moved. I was so proud that I hung it on the wall and ran to get Mom. She came in and turned white at the fact that her pure little boy just created full-sized, anatomically correct action figures. I'm a little fuzzy on the rest of that day,but still taste soap on humid days. I believe that she made the sign of the cross, burned my masterpiece, and then went straight to confession. It was then that I realized that true art MUST provoke a reaction. Mom eventually recovered and is doing fine. I, however, from that day felt a need to create. Usually art, sometimes stories. (My parents were too smart to fall for the one about Gerald Ford outlawing homework in the seventies. But, being a law abiding citizen, I obeyed it through the Reagan administration.) About that time I entered art school. Being a creative type, I never went to a class before noon. Unfortunately, the administration never scheduled one after noon. After changing my address with the school so my transcripts would never be sent home,(there is some women in Western Mass who was very concerned with my academic record..she still writes, it's nice.) I spent my remaining college years on a couch in a friends apartment. Eventually, Dad caught on, and although he enjoyed not getting a tuition bill, he felt it was time to set me free into the world. Given my gift of the gab I ended up in a sales position...automotive sales ( believe it or not. ) where I remained trapped for the next fifteen years. Recently I was released from my contract with the Devil ( for you see, even he can't negotiate a good deal with a car salesman!), and have been painting ever since.
I moved to Florida in August...well actually, I just went on vacation. Once I realized that it was October, I decided that I pretty much live here now and should do the responsible thing and get a job. I really didn't like anything available so I opened my own Art Gallery, And now I've learned about hard work and responsibility. For the first time in my life, I love my job and can't wait to get to work everyday.And for the first time I'm pale.
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