Date: Jun 29 2007, 3:14 am
Mood: Inspired
In my office I'm the one to talk to if you are wanting to move on. Just met a guy who lives in London and he wants to take you around the world? Do it. (That one turned out well...she married him) Are you done with the 9-5 job and want to move home to study photography and write? Go for it. I have counseled people to two round the world trips, two job-quits...one move to Japan..one move to London and one to pay off all debt and save for their rtw trip.
Cause that's how I roll.
Once you get going it's amazing to see how everything falls in place. It's inspiring. It makes for happy people. It's not always easy and it's never going to go exactly the way you think it is...but that's the challenge. That's the fun. I have a purpose and I am determined.
Those days when everything goes your way and you feel like you should be on the first plane to Vegas...well it's better than any legal or illegal substance out there. Those mornings when you wake up happy are the mornings you know you're doing it right.
This may seem all sunshine and happiness but that's not what this is about. it's about the freedom we feel when we choose not to Forrest Gump our way through life.
After being on the road for about 6 weeks the funniest thing started happening...I started dreaming about all the stuff i thought I had gotten over...all the stuff I never thought about. Stupid stuff, important stuff...just stuff in the brain. It was like a my brain was purging itself...and then one day - about two weeks later - I woke up and it was gone. All the worry, all the stress, all the pent up frustration and disappointment I had been toting around was gone.
Peace of mind! How does that happen? My theory is that when I'm on the road I have one responsibility - remember where I live. That's it. One key. No gas bill, no phone bill, no rent or alarm clock. Everyday can be different. If I didn't wake up in time to catch the bus to the next destination...no biggie...I'd go the next day. I spent 3 weeks in Dahab just sitting - and diving. That's it. Nothing else.
Not having the day-to-day allowed my brain to expel all the crap that had been floating through it. Like a mental roto router....and it wasn't just my experience...others went through the same thing.
I realize this could be like chasing the dragon but... I want it back. Not forever, just again. Life isn't meant to be toil and trouble.
it's the snowball effect...make a decision and doors open. Sometimes it all comes at once and the change is dramatic and scary and crazy...I wake up wanting to vomit knowing I am giving up house and job just to do it again...but wow...to have those feelings and that peace again? Why not?
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Date: Jun 28 2007, 1:20 am
Mood: Inspired
DO-OVER!
I claim a do-over! It's my right, right? As children we pick and choose among lists of job occupations...doctors, lawyers, firefighters...daily we seek approval from our teacher and parents impressing upon them our life choices.
What a load!
When life actually hits you, books are no longer free, you're out on your own, a regular citizen of our democracy...paid dead wages and eating Taco Bell...it's difficult to not choose for money's sake.
Anything to get me to a positive balance in my checking account.
i've always admired those that chucked away all security to work as waiters and bartenders...struggling for their art. i couldn't do it. I couldn't give up the securtiy of that paycheck. To travel the world was out of reach and instead I tried to design my life around the all important paycheck. Oh - and credit card debt.
By the time I was 28 all desire was stamped out of me. You wake up daily, go to work and collect your paycheck. You argue with your boyfriend about who pays the gas bill and then you go to sleep. Please let there be something more!
I saw the life I wanted. I met successful people - people whose artistic vision yielded millions in box office hits. The cream of the crop. As happy for them as I am for their accolades, those accolades are not mine. They are for them and them alone, earned through hardwork and sacrifice. It was through them that I began to see there were no boundries. If i am the "Can do" girl, then why do I not do for myself.
It was not until the death of one of my closest friends that I realized I had nothing to lose. If I didn't decide to change my life, then how was it to change?
i left in February of 2005.
The happiest, most relaxing amazing, difficult journey of my life to date. it changed me. It gave me confidence and patience, two qualities I was in desparate need of!
And I came back.
i came back to Los Angeles and was a bit lost. A bit down. I mean...you go from camel safaris and scuba diving to "So and so's office, may I help you?'
So...I claim a do-over. i'm going to do it for real. I'm selling my house, saving some money and going back on the road. I hope to inspire others to get out there, see the world! Live a life you thought was impossible, improbable and indulgent. i have no children, I have no ties that bind me to my desk job. I love my family and friends however email is an amazing thing!
It's a do-over plain annd simple.
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